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Tuesday Thoughts: advice to my younger self.

Last week I came across this video from CBC Radio. CBC made a special video message, to people of all ages to offer words of wisdom to their younger counterparts. It reminded me of this and this, of which I read well over a year ago. These articles inspired me to write a similar letter to my 20-year-old self when I turned 30 (which was already two months ago).  While I also intend to do the same to my 40-year-old self, expressing what I hope to learn in this next decade. Since I have not really started on either (besides a few things I have jotted down in my iPhone), I thought I would get started and share a few things I wish my younger self had known. (You will find similarities from mine and the previously noted article.)

  • beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This may sound shallow, but I will admit I am vain. I spent a lot of time in my 20’s putting energy into my appearance (still do, but not nearly as much). It was important to me that others saw me as beautiful, as in “supermodel beautiful“. It was not until around 27 I realized no matter how hard I try to appear a specific way, beauty is relative to what someone believes is beautiful. I find many people and things attractive that others do not, and vice versa. Everyone has a different perspective and those perspectives are what makes people and things beautiful. Finding yourself and doing what makes you feel beautiful is what matters and is what will shine through.
  • rejection is okay. It really is! In my early twenties when looking for a job I really struggled with rejection. I remember feeling sick to my stomach with nerves on days I was supposed to hear back regarding and interview. As I have grown up, career related or not, when I am rejected from something I know there was a reason for it and that rejection will help me follow and find my purpose.
  • regret teaches great lessons. Time and time again I have been told not to have regrets because you only live once. Well, I have a lot of regrets, and I am okay with it. Why? Because I have learned from them. Do I regret not studying abroad in college? Absolutely. BUT instead I stayed on campus and started a relationship with the man that is now my husband, so how can I really regret that choice? Instead of dwelling on the fact I did not study abroad I focus on the fact that I am now able to travel the world with someone special to me. Do I regret a million things I have said or how I have acted towards my parents, siblings, friends, colleagues and husband? Sure, do! But I have learned from my actions and am able to be more aware of myself. Regret has taught me some of my most valuable lessons in life.
  • you can not force friendships. A lot of the time friendships are more of a timely matter rather than a true bond. I have no close relationships with anyone from high school and a handful of intact relationships from the hundreds of friends I had in college. I forced myself to stay in touch with many from my younger days and in my late twenties realized many of my friendships did not have the same foundation as they did in years past. We had grown up, and had experiences that changed us, and a lot of time these friendships were just not convenient. Many friendships slowly faded, some grew substantially and I am forming (what I like to call) “my village”. I have realized I do not need to force connecting with each friend each week. The friendships I know will last are those that I may not talk to or see for a while, but when we do it is as if no time has passed at all.
  • no one knows what they are doing. Everyone is in the same boat, trying to figure out this life thing. We all have our challenges making due with what we have, nothing will go right 100% of the time, but you figure it out as you go. The more and more I hear from others who are older, this is a constant tune. I do not think this ever goes away, no matter which decade.
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Friday Reads: this week’s favorites

Reading these stories brought some perspective and light into my week. (marc & angel HACK LIFE)

Like pain, boredom is a part of life that brings change & growth. (aeon)

Unnecessary worry plagues me —  I constantly work on relieving worry and this helped. Be sure to watch the vlog! (Positively Positive)

I really like what Cam says, about questions you can ask yourself when in a funk. (Kingpin Lifestyle via YouTube)

The always entertaining & wise James Altucher, answers questions I have been wanting to ask myself! (Product Hunt)

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Friday Reads: on marriage.

This week marked my husband and mine’s third wedding anniversary. A few weeks ago we were talking about how at the three-year mark we really feel married. We definitely always felt married, but it is different no longer being newlyweds. A lot of the newness and excitement of marriage may have worn off,  but so have some of the challenges the first couple of years of marriage expels. Not to say challenges no longer exist, because they do, but they have become more manageable with the skills we have learned and the tools we use. Marriage has been the biggest commitment of our lives and trying at times it is always the most rewarding. I had anticipated writing much more about what I have learned about myself through marriage, and what we have learned as a couple, but I think I will save it for another time.

Some recent reads related to relationships and marriage have offered a lot of points I agree with. Feel free to browse below:

What Causes Love to Go Away? (goop)

40 Rituals That Make Relationships Last 40 Years (marc & angel HACK LIFE)

3 Important Realizations that Build a Strong and Lasting Marriage (The Art of Manliness)

Rules For A Happy Marriage: 4 Secrets From An Expert (Barking Up The Wrong Tree)

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